Wednesday, May 8, 2002, 8:03 am, Vancouver, BC
To Simon Fraser University at half past ten; but I was apprehensive, fighting with myself. Driving along Hastings at Main, the radio was playing Rachmaninoff’s Variations on a Theme of Paganini, and the heart-melting 18th variation, in Db, came on; and looking at all the misery around me at that wretched corner of the city, thought that Rachmaninoff, the musician, had an understanding of such misery and that it should not be despised, for each person loses himself in a different and special way; and tangentially the sounds of ‘Wotan’s Farewell’ also revived, as they often do when I am at that place.
I was in good form for the job interview, and think I will be offered the position. It was an interview group of three – the woman from Human Resources, another woman in a like position in a related department, and the head of the Institute, whom, I must allow, I found entirely pleasant and cordial; though, as I know from experience, a convivial individual can make a wretched supervisor.
Leaving the interview, my headache of the night before, not entirely suppressed the entire morning, returned, and increased in force till early evening; I was exhausted by half past nine and in bed soon after, and by one in the morning I felt truly ill, thinking that I was once again succumbing to a cold or worse. But then I slept till just before five, and only fitfully thereafter.
Even yesterday evening I was disinclined to continue with the candidacy; and still this morning I am distinctly not at ease with it.
After dinner, listened, with the scores, to Bach’s cantata number 12, and Beethoven’s piano sonata, Op. 101.